Marvel Graphic Novel #12: DAZZLER: THE MOVIE

 

Dazzler goes Hollywood!

Oops.

Originally Published October 1984

(Writer's Note: This will be an unusual post as I'm working with a physical copy and I don't have access to a scanner right now, so I'm resorting to the unusual tactic of taking camera-phone pics of relevant panels. As for the legal indicia above, let's not forget that this blog serves to critique and comment on the contents of this book and therefore falls under fair use. Ta!)

We begin at a gym, where Alison Blaire -- known to us as the sometime-superhero Dazzler -- is working up a sweat leading an aerobics class. 

Actually it's more like working up a glow, as the more she exerts herself, the more her light-based mutant powers show themselves. Alison is quite the hit, catching the eye of everyone around, (including some of the ladies). 

After class, she's approached by a sleazy movie producer who introduces himself as Eric Beale. Beale is eager to get Ms. Blaire on the casting couch, if you know what I mean (for sex.)

Alison politely declines, even when Beale purchases the entire gym outright and offering her a promotion (to head aerobics instructor, I suppose?) in order to get with her.

Ladies, if he's making complicated business deals in order to take possession of your career and life, he's not your man.

Dazzler instead prefers to get away for a carrot juice with quintessential nice guy Fred Stanachek, who feels all the more confident now that a real hottie like Alison is willing to talk to him. Fred gives Dazzler a ride home and she repays him with a lip-kiss. Fred is so excited he drives all the way home... and out of this comic, never to be seen again.

Inside her shithole apartment, Dazzler cranks up some tunes to get her glow-jo working, taking time to exploitatively ogle herself in the mirror. 

After her bath (which the book tactfully declines to show us) then fields a call from her good pal Storm of the X-Men, who wants to offer a friendly reminder that, as a mutant, Alison is hated and feared, and should probably keep a low profile. Alison takes due notice and bids Storm a friendly ta-for-now.

After all, when she's performing people just think that Dazzler's light-show routine is a stage gimmick. They would never suspect she's a filthy mutie (not in so many words, although back at the X-Mansion Nightcrawler expresses envy at Ali's ability to pass, in the kind of off-model moment you get when non-Claremont writers take these characters.) Anyway, Alison has more important things on her mind -- a local club gig!

Ali wows the crowd -- which includes scumbag Eric Beale -- with an Elton John cover and her trademark sparkle, but afterwards is accosted by reporters seeking comment: apparently she's been announced as co-staring in the latest film with superstar recording artist Roman Nekoboh.

Roman is, of course, one of the many men who has become instantly enchanted by Alison lately, only to be shot down. He's an aging crooner from a bygone era living off his old fame always looking for a big comeback. He has blue eyes and may be of Italian descent, and at one point someone calls him the Chairman and his last name backwards is... well, yeah, I think you get it. He doesn't take "No" for an answer.

Alison comes home to find Mr. Nekoboh sitting in her apartment. He has committed this home invasion in hopes of winning her over, but she resists when he puts his musky aquavelva-soaked paws on her.

He continues his pursuit the next day, to the point of faking a heart attack.

Ladies, if he can't get your attention without claiming an infarction, he's not your man.

Nevertheless, Ali is somehow charmed by this aggressive playful approach, and agrees to lunch with him. He gives the hard sell: he could have his pick of any young would-be starlet, but he sees Alison has what it takes to stand out from the crowd, and e can give her the world if she'd agree to be in the picture, with no strings attached.

Ali agrees and the two begin a tentative romance wherein Roman shows her the high life, buying her thousands of dollars of couture, and taking her to all the best hot spots.

In the end, all women just want to be treated to material things by a perfect scumbag twice her age.

Unfortunately, there are some bumps in the road. See, it seems a while back, young Miss Blaire was seen in public with those mutant freaks the X-Men, and the newspapers have been all over it. It seems to have been extremely damaging to her brand, as no producers will back the picture.

Of course, there is one producer who is interested in getting into the Dazzler business...

At first, Ali is overjoyed when she finds out the film is getting made, but becomes incensed when that unscrupulous toad Beale is revealed as the producer. Nekoboh insists he'll have total control and Beale will be hands off. Because Ali is incapable of holding an emotion for more than two or three panels at once, the issue is dropped quickly and she gets back on board.

With that, the two resume their whirlwind romance, with Dazzler even demonstrating her fabulous light-zappy powers for his benefit, confirming the rumours of her mutant identity.

She also treats herself to a wretched 1940's style perm that really seems out of place in the au-courant 1980's. Maybe it's supposed to make her look like Molly Ringwald, but I'm only seeing Lucille Ball.

But alas, amidst all this globe-trotting and courting, the unthinkable happens...

Dazzler gets fat.

Well, I don't see it, and you probably don't see it, and it doesn't really make sense since she lives an highly active lifestyle, but Dazzler is either putting on the pounds or -- and this is somewhat more realistic -- suffering from severe body dysmorphia, which would actually be an interesting story if this comic were in any way capable of handling it (it's not.)

Dazzler's self-contemplation is interrupted, however, by Roman, who has a scheme to turn her recent mutant notoriety into a positive by incorporating her mutant identity into the marketing scheme for the movie, as well as the movie itself. 

At first Dazzler is shocked at this betrayal, but because Ali is incapable of holding an emotion for more than two or three panels at once, the issue is dropped quickly and she gets back on board.

As a publicity stunt, Roman arranges an event where Dazzler, empowered by the sound of a fleet of jet engines, demonstrates the utmost of her light abilities.

Why is she doing this in a bikini? Doesn't she literally have a superhero outfit?

The event is indeed impressive, but the crowd, horrified by the unfettered scope of Dazzler's powers, turns against her, to the point of hurling bricks at the starlet. 

Radicalized after coming face to face with the full reality and arbitrariness of hate, Dazzler decides to take the reins of her own destiny and make a big statement with her movie.

As filming proceeds, the mob  -- the angry mob, not the, you know, mafia -- turns its attention to Roman, as the world's most visible mutie-lover. It's the kind of negative press the perennial superstar has never experienced before, and it starts giving him doubts about this whole "taking a stand" thing.

Luckily, as we are explicitly told, it does not have any effect on his dick, and its ability to satisfy Ali's base needs.

Finally, the film is made, but the test screening is attacked once again by a bloodthisty mob, whom Ali is able to fend off. Alison is shocked that the studio manager actually called off the security guards and let the mob in, but before she can deal with that, she is summoned to the office of Beale Productions.

As it turns out, Eric Beale has been pulling the strings all along. Moved by the fact that the Dazzler film is actually very good, Beale wants to get back in the Dazzler business officially -- and not just for sex this time but because he thinks she can be a star. And if she doesn't sign, he'll bury the film, and it will all be for nothing.

Dazzler feigns signing but...

And proceeds to torch the film herself.

Roman returns, intent on tearing up his contract, but Dazzler says not to worry about it. They agree that boy, that sure was a crazy whirlwind adventure ride, and part as friends, with Alison moving on to her next adventure in the pursuit of fame and fortune.

The... the end? I guess?

Further Thoughts:

On the face of it, there's actually the kernel of an interesting story, or two or three, in here. Of course it does directly reference the issue of prejudice as represented by mutants, but also about the price of fame, of female agency, and of the open secret the Hollywood is full of opportunistic scumbag predators several decades before the Me Too movement. In the hands of a really solid creative team and the perspective we now have, this really might have read as something here in 2022.

Just here for the bazooms.

But alas, this book was written by James Shooter.

Give him credit, because he tries, he really does, to create something more than merely a "comic book," but Jim is not that writer. Dazzler under his pen is alternately an Attractive Blank or a Feisty Dame who occasionally gets a good one-liner off. In this second mode, she occasionally flirts with having a second dimension, but keeps reverting back to a doe-eyed romance comic lead fainting in the arms of Roman. As much as Dazzler starts out immune to the "charms" of her pursuers it turns out they just need to keep pursuing her harder to win her over, and it works. Any feminist cred the book nearly achieves is instantly undone by the constant "no means no until it means yes" motif. 

What's more, it would be great if this female-led graphic novel were not so male-gazey and body-shamey, which I say as a literal dues-paying member of the Body Positive Fitness movement, but I do understand that there is pressure that goes along with stardom and that self-image is not always reflective of reality. There is material for a story there in the right hands with the right message, but the "Dazzler's losing her figure" thread (which is merely part of the "Dazzler briefly takes a backseat to Roman before re-asserting herself" subplot) contributes nothing to the story itself and just feels gross today.

The book's plot is also pretty haphazard, bumbling around what it means that Dazzler comes out as a mutant and the production of the film until it finally winds up ending with a kind of abrupt "Oh yeah, well... stick it!" ending that is supposed to be a satisfying moment of defiance against something that we only learned was a problem on the page before. Considering Jim Shooter's professed mastery of structure (his famous "Little Miss Muffett" lecture) this graphic novel is clunky.

Ultimately, the book is a bit muddled in its message and tone, does not have much to say about any of the topics it brings up, and doesn't even have much in the way of comic book action, (now, if Beale were to, say, resurface as a psychotic stalker with an AK-47...) nor anything sufficiently intriguing to replace it. There are some moments of cleverness and satire, but it's certainly not enough to justify parting with a whopping $6.99 USD in 1984.

The book, as drawn by Frank Springer, matches Shooter's tone, which isn't high praise. Springer is actually extremely skilled as an artist, a great draftsman and someone who gets to cut loose with some of the mutant power sequences in a way that actually does elevate the material. However, his skills and sensibility belong to a bygone era, with the figures, faces, overall graphic style and coloring reminding me of some of French workbooks I used to get in Grade 6. The heavy emphasis on conversation and intimate scenes leaves the pages looking flat and retro, not like the hot product about the latest starlet of the 80's. That gorgeous Bill Sienkiewicz-drawn filmic Neo-Noir cover that tantalizes readers with the promise of steamy action inside, and then they get Dazzler giving herself a June Cleaver hairdo. I haven't felt this misled by a cover to a comic written by a Marvel head honcho since Marville.

Okay, I take it back, nothing's as bad as Marville.

Ultimately, this project is eminently missable, a big nothing burger that testifies to Jim Shooter's skills as an editor rather than creator, and really a missed opportunity to create another "God Loves, Man Kills," that somehow hit home and sent the Dazzler character into the stratosphere. The book it ended up being a prominent moment for the character nevertheless, receiving callbacks aplenty once the character was folded into the X-Men, but the version of it you imagine when given footnotes in X-Men comics is probably better than what the book actually is.

The Dracula Cape is a bit much.